My mother once apologized to me that she was sorry she could not help my sister and I more financially while we were in college. With a sad tone in her voice, she explained how bad she felt that she had to make a decision to save for her retirement over helping me pay for my education. Honestly, when it comes to decisions she’s made with regards to her finances, I think it was the best decision she ever made. My sister and I have a lot of college debt, so what, at least we don’t have to worry about supporting my mother (like many families today who are supporting both their kids and parents today). I personally have over $25,000 in student loans and I am glad that my mother never helped me with my college expenses and decided to secure her financial future first. Working 60+ hours while going to school was one of the best life lessons I could have ever received about how tough life can be, but also how much I can personally accomplish on my own. My mother would not have been able to take an early retirement and enjoy her free time today with her grandkids had she spent her retirement helping me through college. She has some medical issues that made her work painful for her, and if she had to stay employed with all that pain, it would’ve deeply saddened me. My mother instinctively knew that she could potentially become a financial burden to her children if she didn’t position herself well for retirement. Perhaps it was because she was never handed anything and raised 3 children all by herself.
Two years ago I was heavy into educating people on financial matters and understanding money. While doing seminars, meeting with people privately, and even co-hosting a financial education radio show I focused a lot of my financial teachings on helping parents understand that college is a huge expense that must be planned for early together with their kids and that it should be secondary to their retirement planning. As a Certified College Planning Specialist (back in 2006) learning the in’s and out’s of how to position and educate parents for the high expenses of their children’s education, time after time I found that many parents were putting themselves in positions where they would be hurting their retirement years in order to get their kids through college, without knowing the potential consequences.
If you are a parent, there are things you need to realize:
- If you spend your retirement on your children’s education, you may end up needing them to support you in your retirement years. Think about what could happen if they had a spouse and kids and a portion of their income had to help you survive?
- If your child does not know what they want to major in, send them to a community college to get their core classes out of the way, or don’t send them at all till they are ready to. Let them have the “real world” education and emotionally support them in whatever they decide to do. Encourage them to learn about how investing works and making their money work for them, instead of them working for it.
- Something like 70% of college grads do not work in the field they got their degree in. Don’t expect too much $ value nowadays for a college degree if they are just getting one to get out into the real world without thought, because an “easy to get” bachelors degree doesn’t seem to hold much weight anymore, statistically speaking. I personally strongly believe that a college education is important to help in growing up as a well rounded adult, but there is enough evidence to show that many times experience and good communication skills can out do a college education.
- Let your kids learn the value of money by making them learn to earn it. This means, force them to get jobs if they want spending money. Getting into the workforce early teaches great lifetime skills on how to relate with others. Hopefully they also learn other valuable lessons like taxes will rob you of most of your wages and working for others is not going to make them rich.
- I personally think that getting”let go”or “laid off” can sometimes be one of the best life lessons a young adult can experience. An experience like that can teach them early that they should never rely on anyone else to feed them, and when they recover, they will realize that it isn’t the end of the world. They need to learn to set things up that will secure their future.
- Lastly, your teen children will need to be told that they are expected to help with college expenses while still in high school by:
- Planning ahead and committing to doing well (starting from the 9th grade).
- Taking as many college courses while still in high school.
- Getting good grades and work hard to get scholarships.
- Saving to help with some of the expected college expenses outside of tuition, like books and supplies. (computers aren’t cheap, but a definite necessity today)
- Working while in high school. (I know this is controversial amongst parents depending on your upbringing, but I have personally have seen many benefits when high school students used to work for me.)
Bottom line…I feel the best way to let your kids experience being an adult is letting them support themselves. Especially through the college years.